They're Changing Guards At Buckingham Palace

It's 11.30pm NZT and I've just arrived home from work. One of my bosses will shortly be starting his day - he has lately been getting up and coming in to work at midnight.

An Executive Summary

I find I sometimes go through blogging moods whereby I'll just blat something out, or I'll get sidetracked by life and just go weeks or months (!) without posting something up. Altogether rather erratic, really. And to top it off, I'll end up writing half my posts in some sort of veiled and abstract terms (the "moodier") posts or else I'll whip up some sort of factual account. Lately I've probably be doing more of the former, which interests me as it's like opening up another side of a blogger. Combine that with a need to self-censor for various reasons makes for some interesting (albeit oblique) posts at times. I digress.

ANZAC Day


I wrote a post some time ago concerning ANZAC Day. Unfortunately some people decided to read it the wrong way and turned a factual account into an emotive response. Play the ball, not the man, I say.

Phone Card

I finally got a phone card, and finally managed to catch up with some old friends. There was a slight problem when I got the time wrong in Canada and ended up calling someone around 4am. Whoops. Also, Mazzy claims she doesn't have a phone in Amsterdam. Sort it out already!

Flatmates

We lost our American flatmate, and got in a new one - an old friend from my Honours year at university. We now have a microwave, a coffee table and a second fridge.

Work Retreat

I've been on two so far this year - the first one to a place north of Wellington where there are a lot of vineyards and we got roaring drunk. I also got food poisoning. It wasn't fun. Especially after a few drinks. The other one was a bit more disappointing. Although it was held at a hotel that apparently has the only 5 star restaurant in Wellington, the fact that you could throw paper darts from our office to the venue made it seem unlike a retreat. And that was just not cool. However, we did book out a restaurant just for us and ripped through much vino. Notice a pattern here?

Martinborough

I went up to Martinborough (the vineyard place) with two friends for winetasting and learning more about wines. I think we must have visited a good 5-6 places. As driver, I was drinking in moderation. Next time we should take the train. We ended up with many bottles of wine, and formed the Marion Street Wine Appreciation Society. I will be attending to the drafting of its Constitution in due course. We also enjoyed a long lunch at a top vineyard and had a good chat. I wish we could do this more, as it's easily the best time I've had in a long time. We determined that it was things like this which are the reasons why we work.

Ribena

I've taken to drinking ribena - I used to love the stuff as a kid and now I have a nice bottle of concentrate. Delish!

Cold

The weather is freezing here - and I say this having spent three months living in Montreal during the middle of its winter. The winter here is colder in that there is a wind chill which cuts right through to the bone - more of a wet cold than a dry cold. And my jacket is still in Montreal - Anuj, I really need this back!

Jazz

I've recently developed a partiality to listening to live jazz at a bar nearby on Wednesday nights. There is nothing better than having good conversation in good company drinking good vino (notice a pattern here?) listening to good jazz on a Wednesday night, right in the middle of the working week.

Work

Work is rather interesting at the moment. Interesting in, shall we say, a number of ways.

Nature

I went to a birthday party for Alice's boss' 50th birthday, where they had booked out a bar and there were loads of people having fun listening to great music. In fact, the band was led by Don McGlashan, who was a member of the Muttonbirds many moons ago (classic NZ music). We drank and danced the night away. Much better than watching the Super 14 final...

Gym

I have just realised I am due out at the gym with Alan in 15 minutes, so off we go...

Have a great weekend, wherever you are.

A Mood to ReJoyce, Jimmy?

Clickety-click.

So that’s probably the second to last full stop you’ll see in this blog tonight, maybe, depending, although I might just give up and find it too hard and just whack a big fat full stop in there what’s that song by the new something did the captain of the titanic cry Chicago something Mitsubishi ad ninety seven times driving by the place we met radicals, it’s radicals, I knew I knew it I’m sure I have it hurry up and open iTunes some day we’ll know type it in oh I have two versions of it maybe one we’ll know change channels the stupid tuning just isn’t working I really need to call up the landlord what’s his name Deryck what stupid way to spell a name I wonder why my flatmates are laughing outside man they’re noisy and the door’s shut and dammit they haven’t switched the light off like in my email and man Deryck has a huge car he must really eat it up in gas need to get the tv aeriel plug fixed up and oh that’s right I really need to get that fourth cooking element sorted out because it’s so hard to cook with only one big element and two small ones and man I’m full that curry was good lunch will be good tomorrow remember to take my lunch to work tomorrow and heat it up oh I’m playing soccer at work tomorrow so I’ll eat after didn’t Darren say that the soccer court was flooded today oh wait maybe it was Dean yeah it was Dean not Darren but there is soccer I better remember to take my gear shall I use my new runners no I better not because they’ll fall apart and that’s right did the captain of the titanic cry some day we’ll know if love can move a mountain someday we’ll know why I wasn’t meant for you oh Hugh Jackman on tv the girls seem to love him outside man my flatties are shrieking desperate housewives is on next I used to like it but now it doesn’t sound so appealing and then it’s grey’s anatomy that asian chick in that really annoys me, really winds me up I suppose it’s because she’s a really good actor and does it so well and that reminds me she’s in sideways which is a brilliant but quirky movie and why wouldn’t it work on Sunday that would have been the best way to finish off the whole day on Sunday so much wine good thing I was driving and didn’t drink much because that wouldn’t have been too good and man her eyes glittered in the sun and she had such a radiant smile click click diamonds are shiny and pretty how about that diamond encrusted Mercedes in the Sydney morning herald the other day tiffany’s has nice diamonds and I really need to go back there some time New York City library wide streets big buildings rain Mazzy lost her passport and bailed on us in starbucks at times square I wonder why they make you pay to read the new york times ow my neck is itchy oh work tomorrow john is back and I still have that title report to do and trace back the histories and that’s going to take forever I suppose at least I can bill for it but Neville wants it this week and I really need to track down Deborah and Christine is away until Wednesday who’s playing soccer oh that’s right Australia is playing Japan why is my glittering eyes oh what’s that ringing the phone ow it’s loud who’s bothering me some day we’ll know why Samson why am I such a crazy boy smiles I could die happy

Secrets

Clickety-click.

Sometimes when meeting new people, it can be particularly awkward. You’ll exchange names to start with – “Hello, I’m Chris”. You might exchange pleasantries about the weather – “What a lovely day”, or “How was your weekend?”. Invariably, however, you will probably get the “And what do you do?” question. Now, for most people, I think that this must be an easy question to deal with. They might answer “I’m a fashion designer who makes clothes – did you see [the Abracadabra Space Suit and Stuffed Animals Fashion Show]? I made the [three-piece sequined singlet with puppets stitched on and accessory oxygen tank].” This then helps the conversation flow, with the other person then able to develop the conversation further – “Oh, I saw that [three-piece sequined singlet with puppets stitched on and accessory oxygen tank] – marvelous stuff”. And off they go.

The problem I have when invariably asked this question goes something like this: “And what do you do?”. “I’m a lawyer”. [Awkward silence] “Ummmm, I do lawyering stuff”. [Awkward silence]. So the issue is the confidential nature of work I do, and having to keep secrets. As in, I really can’t say anything. But work is (usually) such a large part of people’s lives. By being unable to talk about it can certainly limit conversations and the ability to get to know people better.

And it’s the secrets and layers that this post is about. I normally dislike being secretive – I much prefer everyone to know everything that goes on, although I appreciate that it’s certainly not always appropriate. But a general flow of information is good. This is good if you’re having a bad run. You can find a friend out there to share, offload, help you with your burdens. As of course, this is what friends are for (well, this is one thing where a true friend will step up, but I will perhaps find time to discuss friends in another posting another time). And certainly, life’s a journey, rarely perfect.

The trouble occurs then, when you have a secret, or two, or three, which for whatever reason you can’t share. Normally, people will have foundations to their lives; when one foundation is weak they can seek solitude or comfort in another. Like people who become workaholics after a divorce or the loss of a loved one. And so you’re really in strife when a number of your foundations get taken out, and there is no sanctuary. And there are things you just can’t tell your friends, just because. And maybe one or two friends know one or two things, but noone knows it all. And so you bear these secrets, secrets you’ve had for days or weeks or months, or sometimes even years, secrets you can’t tell anyone. And maybe never can tell, but they are bottled up and eat you up from the inside, gnawing slowly, and there’s nothing you can do but carry on and put on the happy face on the outside as noone likes a miseryguts, but on the inside you’re crying and dying and want to let it out but know you can’t and never will so you cry inside some more.